Logika, Rasa Sakit, Kecewa, dan Kekosongan

1 jam yg lalu 'someone' message me and say the same word that ring a bell in my memory.."kenapa dy ngga bls bbmku? apa dy marah sama aq"..
im feel a bit tired hear this passage..
kenyataannya adalah dy hanya sayang pd mu pada saat dia membutuhkan mu..en dimana dia ketika kamu menangis? krn dia? en ketika dia sudah memblas bbm mu dgn kata2 "ini bukan salahmu koq en lg MALAS membhas hbgn kita berdua' trus? trus? km memaafkan dia? after this 4 years? oh wow he is good to make fun of you tapi km tetep mencintai dia en sayang dia...so what must i call you now? a true lover woman? a loyal girlfriend? or a fool? hhhh...i wish i can say this is none of my business...syg seribu syg saya ngga bisa..en for the 14th time you dont ever use my opinion..im very sad to hear/read that... you have blinded by love and forget your pride and position...
tapi ntah kenapa ini terasa seperti deja vu...
ternyata rasa syg yg deep blown away all logic and pain in this world..
and as i expected you have changed a lot my lovely friend and my past unforgetful love in college..you've changed and i'am sorry coz i forget that you always have your own way..
hope you happy and may be yes maybe..you more happy with just his message..
sorry to be a bad friend and youngsters..

Light Of Dawn

Before the sun closes
It loses its light
If the storm is blinding
Then I'll jump in before it beckons me

Everyone will be finished someday, right?
When that day comes-

Aim for the future that starts to turn
It's just that even if it has been recorded already
I'll search for it, even the meaning of getting hurt is in my hands
In order to be like me

At the place that surpassed the limit
There's the shine of a lone light
Wanting the shadow I missed out on seizing even more
I spurred myself on

Everyone wishes for it, right?
Even dreams that won't come true

Shake free from the past intertwined with you
It's just a fabrication that you casually arranged
In the pair of contradictions attracting one another
Dawn breaks faster than a blink

Even if our world
Is a seemingly weightless void

I stared hard
Dawn is already breaking ahead
A pulse echoes quietly

A voice... A voice again...

Aim for the future that starts to turn
It's just that even if it has been recorded already
I'll search for it, even the meaning of getting hurt is in my hands
In order to be like me

I Hate You Love Coz You Make Me Act Like A Fool

okay..tulisan ini sengaja dibuat untuk sedikit menekan dan membuat ORE SAMA kembali ke pikiran sehat lagi tentang what people have but i only have it for amount of 3 month ..hm..yup Luph.
hari ini rasanya pgen memeluk seseorang just to control this emotion
tapi ngga ad yg pgen d peluk gratis (ya iy dun bisa2 ane d tabok ampe ke awang2 lagih), too bad coz "menurut penelitian manusia itu at least dalam sehari mesti berpelukan dgn seseorang untuk menetralisir hawa dalam tubuhnya yg sedang bergelora"..(penelitian dilakukan oleh ilmuwan dari india abad ke 17: sebut saja shah rul khan) hehehe
yeah i know man are selfish being..and i try to be selfish just for this one nite..coz everything just ("bang..bang..syuttt..jegerrr duarrr meledak deh"), gt lah..ampe sekarang ni otak masi panas...
i know semua yg terjadi ini karena 'sin' yang kulakukan before..tp ngga nyangka seberat ini..i just make a fool of myself and easily bewitched by lovely voice (siren), good looking (medusa), and warm hug (batara durga)..

I just want to ask to myself..why i still stuck in 'phrase love' and 'happiness'
I Hate It! I Hate It!!
You already take half of my love and throw it to a garbage can..but now you still make an condition to make us be friend again? what am i really to you? a man? a fool? or a doll?

*start to make alternate persona*

Perhatian, Rasa Sayang, dan Kebutuhan

recently i make a contact with one of my colleague's kareshi..kami membicarakan banyak hal (baca curhat) ttg pasangannya yg (menurut pendapatku) cuek tp 1/2 perhatian. mendengar ceritanya langsung seperti memandang cermin di atas air..semua mirip dengan kepribadianku dlu-skrg..
dari semua itu yg paling mengena di hati adalah ketika seseorang sudah mencurahkan semuanya ke seseorang yg kita sayang tapi tidak dibalas sebaliknya, apa yang mesti kita lakukan? : a. terus berusaha;
b. ragu en mulai a little bit negative thinking; or
c. positive thinking en more patient to wait.
dengan segala ke(sotoyan) ku d dunia persilatan cinta ini ku memberi saran semua nya coz ada waktu dimana kita semangat-jadi-ragu-berujung sedih- pasrah-eh ikhlas deh-
the point is coba lah berusaha sambil berdoa, sedih or galau2 dikit boleh tp jgn kebanyakan kasian otak en hati kita.
terkadang ke 3 faktor yg saya sebutkan di atas adalah harga mati dalam suatu hubungan, namun ore-sama/aku ntah kenapa sampai saat ini belum bisa memberikan ke 3 hal itu 100% ke wanita manapun termasuk mantan istri yg terakhir sms blg 'i'm happy and enjoy here without you'.
karena itu ore sama berusaha en selalu berusaha agar bisa perhatian sama seorang wanita jd bisa merasakan hal tsb..
jujur terkadang ore sama a little bit jealous nmelihat temen kantor, org liwat, binatang, bahkan tumbuhan bisa saling berkasih sayang dengan cara mereka sendiri..
hm..ore sama skrg cuma bisa berdoa semoga bisa lebih 'manly' lagi en yg terpenting bisa belajar mobil, ngga lemotlagi, en bisa lebih sayang sama badan en 'persona' ini..
Ya Allah Hamba berdoa jika masih diberi kesempatan..make me someday find the woman who's not only look at my family, my job and my attitude but most important like me in all situation,,
amin..

Dunia

Engkau yang tengah kukejar demi dimensi yang lain..ada yang bagus dari mu tapi ada juga yang membuatku merasa tersandung, apapun itu aq tetap menyukai mu apa ada nya. engkau berubah sesuai suara hati mahluk2 di dalamnya karena itu teruslah berevolusi..menjadi lebih baik dan lebih menarik, my request is someday yes someday you will shine at me and make some 'gundam' in my life

"Ugly World Yet Beautiful"